Things I learned this week

• don’t go to shopping mall on 2nd day Raya and expect like it’s like normal day.

• fantasy & dreams are just that: fantasy & dreams – can go ‘poof’ any moment.

• some things are best kept to oneself. Even to the closest person.

• honest expressive opinion are sometimes misinterpreted. Badly.

• no matter how extraordinary some people may be, they are still ordinary, somehow.

• pessimism is a useful, powerful tool that I’ve forgotten to ‘misuse’.

• ghosts of past lives die hard. it can still haunts us even if we think it was buried deep.

• in three years time (two plus to be exact) the number 40 is going to be a very scary number.


So, in a nutshell I learned this: don’t expect too much of anything in life.

Tamat

Tiada masa untuk ditunggu
Tiada hala untuk dituju
Tiada hiba untuk dirasa
Tiada takhta untuk kita

Tiada daya untuk diseru
Tiada janji untuk ditepati
Tiada tiang untuk disandang
Tiada tongkat sakti untuk kita

Tiada kata untuk bicara
Tiada lagu untuk dinyanyi
Tiada puisi untuk memuji
Tiada apa-apa lagi untuk kita

Sudah merempat tak bertempat
Sudah sempit dan terkepit
Sudah penat berlumba dan berlari
Sudahlah, kita berhenti saja disini.

Tamat.

Si Pengemis Muda

Si Pengemis Muda,
Merayau ke sana-sini. Berkaki ayam melangkah lemah. Pada terang siang dia terus menggeledah. Mencari barang tinggal oleh orang-orang cuai.

Dia mencari hati-hati yang tercicir.

Yang dah retak, terhantuk.
Yang dah berserpih, terkikis.
Yang dah kaku, keras.
Yang dah tak berdegup, tak berlagu.

Si Pengemis Muda,
Seperti malam-malam biasa. Menghibur mimpi, menabur hasrat “Mana lah tahu…dalam banyak hati yang terkutip, mungkin terjumpa semula” dia berhajat.

Dia mencari hati yang pernah dia buang.

Yang ada terpahat nama seorang
Yang mungkin boleh menyala terang
Yang dulunya ada bahang membara
Yang mungkin ada lagi sedikit haba

Si Pengemis Muda,
Seperti semalam, seperti kelmarin, dan seperti hari-hari kusam sebelum ini, dia masih mencari tanpa henti. Walau sudah lelah, dia tak boleh mengalah.

Untuk mencari ganti hatinya sendiri yang sudah mati.


*a tribute to Sheila Majid’s “Pengemis Muda”

Be a Man!

9.00 pm, middle of Ramadhan, somewhere in Kuala Lumpur city centre.

A malay guy with a bottle of beer came wandering around with a bit of a drunkard gait. He has this smug, who-dares-me look on his mixed parental face - a typical KL city boy, well-built with attitude thinking his liberal philosophies are well above the average Joe on the street of Kuala Lumpur.

Smug and challenging. Outspoken and modern. Liberal.

On recognizing a familiar face, he came near my table, resting his hand on the back of the chair opposite me. Languidly he spoken “Hey man, been a long time. Can I share your table mate?” And that smug smile still on his face.

“Sorry, nope.” A bit miffed, I continue reading my book.

“Oh come on! Wait, you don’t want to be associated with a beer-drinking guy in Ramadhan eh?” A bit more of that smugness with a laugh.

Looking up from my book, “Not really, I just don’t like potential drunkards. And please respect others.” looking at the beer bottle and a forced smile to hide my annoyance.

“Oh you’re so righteous aren’t you?” now leaning closer to me, expelling beer-breath onto my face. 

He continued “Look, I’m a man that stand for my rights and only answers to myself because I’m a Free, Liberal man. I don’t restrain myself because some hardcore fundamentalist put down laws. Also I’m not going to let myself be like one of the cows tucked at the nose to follow without questioning, without thinking.” 

A bit more excited on having a chance to deliver his thoughts he continued “Stand for your rights! Be a MAN! Are you content being just a cow?”

I put down the book and look up his stinky face “First of all, I’m not your friend. Secondly, I don’t give a fuck about your liberal P.O.V. And third, I’m capable of standing for my rights, or the rights of people close to me.”

More than a little pissed I continued “Right now I’m defending my rights to be alone and usually I don’t just stand and babble out bad breath. I usually use my fists for defending my rights. Are you up to that?”

The potential punching bag started to open his mouth in retaliation but I don’t give him a chance “You talk big about being liberal and standing for your rights. Can you even defend it if I were to test you with a few punches and kicks?” and pushed my chair a bit out of the table as if ready to get up and prove to him there and then. “It has been a while since I last bash people up” flexing my fists and neck.

Backing a step away, as if being slapped, he was very alert now with a little trembling.

“Yeah, I guess not. Shoo boy, and learn some self-defence first before you go out strutting your Liberal Man attitude and REALLY stand for your rights. You just proved you’re not THAT free.” And I further aggravated him with a mimic of his own words “Be a MAN!! Poser” and laugh it off.

Visibly reddened from my challenge and taunt he stormed off while uttering a loud “Fuck you!”

Yeah sure, go home and cry liberal boy. I had a good laugh by the way.

What’s the difference between… (Malaysian & Indonesian movie)

What’s the differences between Malaysian and Indonesian movie?
1) In Malaysian movie, emotion portrayal are definitely acted on.

2) Malaysian comedy movie requires the actor/actresses to laugh out loud so that viewers know there are jokes involved.

3) In Malaysian movie, “Movie of the year” means it was made this year. That’s it.

4) Indonesian movie have funny names for their characters but quite serious about it. Malaysian movie just have ‘funny’ characters. In a serious movie.

5) Indonesian Romance movie means all the finer points about Love. In Malaysian movie it means Yusof Haslam.


Disclaimer: yet again, loosen up will ya!

What’s the difference between… (Hindi & Tamil movie)

Another 5 points of my views on: Hindi & Tamil movie this time.

What’s the differences between Hindi and Tamil movie?
1) Hindi movie comes with pretty hero & heroine. Tamil movie only delivers pretty heroine. Sometime. Ok ok, once a decade apart.

2) In Hindi movie, LOVE conquers all. In Tamil, BLOODSHED is.

3) The blood is redder in Tamil movie. Yes, serious. And a lot more copious too.

4) In Hindi movie, Michelin Man means a Michelin Man. In Tamil movie, Michelin Man means the hero. Or the heroine too.

5) In Tamil movie, hero expresses anger with a powerful fist. Same with Hindi movie, but prefaced with flowery words or idioms. Eg: “The tears of your mother will stop flowing for I’m here to end your miserable, sinful life, thus relieving your mother of the knowledge of giving birth to such a monster!!” *dushhhhhhhemm*


Disclaimer: Again, this is just satirical, stereotypical P.O.V. If you wanna bash me, write some preface first ok.

What’s the difference between… (Hollywood & Independent movie)

My five points stereotypical take on differences between movie industry.

What’s the differences between Hollywood and Independent movie?
1) In Hollywood movie, the actors/actresses still look good even though they’re about to be devoured by fugly monster.

2) In Hollywood movie, sci-fi, fantasy, thriller, etc can be under one category – Action.

3) Hollywood movie could cost a space-shuttle and still couldn’t flex the brain muscle.

4) Hollywood movie’s ‘based on true event’ are as truthful as my neighbour’s fart – heard it, but no smell involved.

5) Inde movie can be overbearing on showing gratuitous tits (which is fine) BUT general nekidness!? just so to show it’s an Indie movie. WE GET IT! You’re independent, rebellious. OK. We don’t wanna see an old man’s hairy balls. THANK YOU.

*Nekidness = Wicked Nakedness


Well, that was my 5 points about movies. Disclaimer: this is just satirical, stereotypical P.O.V. You can stop your mouth-clinching, stare of death act now.

Gloomy Sunday

Note: This a depressive and mysterious song by Reszo Seress, that caused many deaths and suicides in the early 20th century. Some said it is a cursed song. Know more about it here and more detail here.

My fav retake of the song is by Sinead O’Connor which uses the revised ‘radio-friendly’ lyrics and orchestral composition. The original was VERY haunting and doomy. Here is the original lyric plus a few other translation.

You can listen to the song at Imeem free MP3 preview. Recommended remake by: Elvis Costello, Sinead O’Connor (orchestral) and Sarah McLachlan. One artist did record the original composition & lyrics in english – look for Diamanda Gallas @ Imeem. Be warned, this version is true to the original cursed composition…

Rezső Seress, the composer, jumped to his death from his flat in 1968.

Gloomy Sunday (revised)

Sunday is gloomy,
My hours are slumberless
Dearest the shadows
I live with are numberless
Little white flowers
Will never awaken you
Not where the black coaches
Sorrow has taken you
Angels have no thoughts
Of ever returning you
Wouldn’t they be angry
If I thought of joining you?

Gloomy sunday

Gloomy is sunday,
With shadows I spend it all
My heart and i
Have decided to end it all
Soon there’ll be candles
And prayers that are said I know
But let them not weep
Let them know that I’m glad to go
Death is no dream
For in death I’m caressing you
With the last breath of my soul
I’ll be blessing you

Gloomy sunday

Dreaming, I was only dreaming
I wake and I find you asleep
In the deep of my heart here
Darling I hope
That my dream never haunted you
My heart is telling you
How much I wanted you

Gloomy sunday

Corak II

Aku sedang cuba mencorak lagu
Menyusun gembira, mengait memori
Tentang senyum, gelak dan ketawa
Tapi yang terhasil cuma irama duka

Aku sedang cuba menempa ritma
membentuk detik, memahat rasa
Tentang dakapan, sentuhan dan emosi
Tapi yang berdegup cuma hati yang luka

Si Dara semalam berlalu lagi
Masih berlegar mencari ruang dihati
"Merdu. Lagu apa dan untuk siapa?”
”Boleh saya petik dan simpan di hati?”

”Pergi lah, jangan kau cemar diri”
“Ini lagu duka, untuk hati yang dah mati”

Si Buta Jalan

Aku mencari jalan, meraba lurus bengkok haluan
Untuk menyinggah ke titik permulaan
Si buta jalan, berpanjat berguling, mendaki dan meronda
Untuk menari, menyanyi dan bermimpi dengan dia

Akan sampai satu masa, entah berapa detik, entah bila
Aku tak pasti masa, tapi sampai kan aku
Pada titik permulaan satu yang indah
Yang diharap tidak bernoktah, tidak berpadah, tiada gundah

Hanya masa.
Tunggu aku disana ya!

Cuba Lagi Lain Hari?

Maaf, tak berniat untuk berperasaan
Bukan mencuba, bukan mencorak pun
Cuma nak mengopek hati, mencuit rasa
Cuba menyelam naluri, sambil berteduh luka

Maaf ya, tapi aku ada pendinding
Terbina dengan keping-keping janji yang mati
Hasil helah tak berhati, rekah sana-sini
Maaf ya, aku selamat, mungkin kau cuba lagi lain hari?

Kau serupa pahlawan bertahan, terpacak tapak 
Kau macam haiwan ditawan, dibalut resah
Kau juga seperti pencinta tak bertuan
Membangkang diri, mengikat rasa

Aku tak tersepit atau sawan lah, aku cuma parah terluka 
Dinding penyelamat ini dipahat rapat, membendung perit
Aku juga dah gelap hati dan mata, lagipun kau siapa ya?
Maaf ya, aku dah tak berhati, sila cuba lagi lain hari?

Aku cuma hinggap berkongsi rasa
Berehat sayap, sambil berteduh luka
Kalau macam itu, takpa lah, aku berlalu dulu
Harap dinding tebal kau itu ada lampu dan pintu

Untuk masa-masa kau sedar dari mimpi ngeri
Untuk kau atau aku cuba lagi lain hari

Hey & Goodbye

’Hey’
Always your way of opening the night
Though nonchalant, it’s always a delight, you know right?
To be connected, to be taunted, to get painted
With a picture of your lucent mind and lily-white heart

’Hey Hey’
Always your bridled excitement
Guarded and reserved, mostly without sway
Never really coaxed out of your confinement
Within all the guile and play, they lost their ways

‘Got to go, talk to you later’
But can’t you stay a bit longer?
’Take care and goodbye’
Hmm… minutes went by

Wordless again, but there should be more
Like an ending with a bit more essence
Or some sweetness laced with emotion
Like a returned kiss, with a touch of bliss

Hmm. Goodbye.

Bintang Permintaan

Dia menuding gembira ke langit utara
“Ada bintang gugur untuk permintaan malam ini!”
“Aku nak minta Senyum, Tawa, dan Kasih kala ini”
Tanpa kata, memejam mata, dia menongkat hajat ,menghembus mimpi

Dia melonjak bersorak gembira ke langit utara
“Kau pula untuk bertitah niat wahai Sang Kera hehe”
Aku yang tersenyum kaku dilempar tanya hairan
“Ada bintang impian, kau sia-sia kan?”

Aku tak perlu menggapai tinggi untuk harapan
Aku tak perlu menjala bintang untuk impian
Kerana kau hanya sejarak sekelip di hadapan
Jika kau jauh pun, cuma tinggal 10 digit untuk dipicit dan dicuit

Tapi sesaat itu juga aku lemas hati
Sesaat aku terbelah pendapat, terbahagi semangat
Kesal pada bintang permintaan yang dah jauh gugur
Resah jika bukan aku yang dia idam…

Pada si bintang permintaan malam ini.

Oji | 21 August 2009

Posted via Blogaway

Posted via Blogaway

Sweetdreams

Di sini aku cuba menulis
Dengan kata-kata manis puitis
Tapi tak satu pun terbaris
Tentang syukur aku ada kamu

Di sini aku cuba melukis
Dengan warna-warna pastel pelangi
Tapi tak satu pun corak terguris
Tentang manis kamu yang bermadu

Perpuluh kata dah aku petik
Bertompok warna dah aku jentik
Idea tak menerpa, tak satu pun mengena
Ahh, biarkan lah. Aku dah cuba.

Biar mimpi saja sampaikan rasa.
Cuma mimpi saja setanding dia.

Sweetdreams.


Oji | 20 August 2009

Sudah Penat

Sudah penat aku berkata, berpuisi
Mengipas bara seni untuk bermimpi
Sudah penat bersengkang dada
Berkongsi takut, nafsu, dan rahsia

Tapi kau macam dah mati, sejuk kaku
Sekilas rasa, setitik nafsu pun tak berlalu
Hati dah gelap, legam dan lebam
Macam pelita padam, habis sumbu

Sudah penat aku mendongak bintang, memahat hajat
Sudah penat aku menyujud tanah, menyembah niat
Semoga berdegub semula jantung yang tersejat
Semoga bersambung emosi yang mengikat

Aku dah penat
Dah penat dengan niat
Aku nak tidur dan cuma bermimpi
Harap jumpa kau disitu lagi.


Oji | 20 August 2009

Dead of the Night

I'm back.
Back to the dead of the night
I’ve lived.
In the world of the living daylight

It was not as promised
Not even as advertised
Questing to find Life
There’s only the living dead, zombie

Only splinters of humanity
Slaving at so-called Life
Racing time, crossing space
Nodding disagreement, and pretense

So I’m back.
To the dead and mute night
Where I can hear myself breathing
When the seconds flowed with meaning.


Oji | 20 August 2009

Malam Buta yang Mati

Aku balik.
Pada malam buta yang mati
Aku dah pergi
Pada dunia yang hidup disiang hari

Tak seperti dijanji
Langsung tak macam di iklan
Aku cari mereka-mereka yang hidup
Cuma jumpa yang separa mati, zombie.

Cuma cebisan kemanusiaan
Menghamba diri pada kononnya Kehidupan
Berlumba masa, menjangkau jarak
Mengangguk pada yang tidak, pada yang berpura

Jadi aku balik.
Pada malam yang buta dan pekak
Dimana jelas dengar nafas ini
Bila saat berdetik lancar dengan makna


Oji | 20 August 2009

Sisa

Kalau boleh aku jaja kemahuan,
Dah lama aku berminggu di kaki lima.
Kalau boleh aku sita kepercayaan,
Dah lama aku sentap ke dada.

Kalau boleh aku ugut hati itu,
Dah lama aku lumur racun arsenik.
Kalau tidak pun aku ragut saja,
Biar terdampar tak berdegup.

Sebab semua ini,
Kemahuan dan kepercayaan,
Hati dan nyawa,
Hanya sisa-sisa luka semalam.

Oji | 19, August 2009

Corak

Aku buat corak dengan langkah
Bertimbun garisan dan bulatan
Membentuk cerita, membentuk lagu
Atas pasir dari hujan semalam

Ada nama dia dan aku
Ada harapan sinis yang manis
Ada juga hati yang dah mati
Aku terjah atas pasir dari hujan semalam

Ada dara lalu dan sapa “cantik, bermaksud”
Dia tertarik “Abang ni pelukis? Pujangga cinta?”
“Tak…” aku tersentak, “Aku pessimist. Pengemis”
Dan aku padam corak itu dengan langkah keras.


Oji | 19 August 2009

Undying

I’d use you, I’ll abuse you
I’d shake you, I’ll break you
To make you go away
You only want to stay

I’ve shoved sorrow your way
Broken your body & soul
You took it all in
Embracing bitterness whole

Your undying lust & affection
Stirs forgotten reaction
This husk of a soul
You swallow me whole

I bathed you with fire
I drowned you in tears
With eyes filled with desire
A look that break me asunder

This mighty shell shattered
This once proud self surrendered
With searing lust & desire
I’m sealed in you forever.

Forever. Undying.