Nak…

Nak duduk melunjur tak ada kerusi
Nak sandang kepala tak ada bantal
Nak melabuh badan tak ada tilam

Nak melangkah tak ada tenaga
Nak bertutur kata tak ada suara
Nak kongsi rasa tak ada teman

Nak jenguk bintang malam masih kelam
Nak susun fantasi disergah realiti
Nak janji gembira diri sendiri pun tak percaya

Cuma ada lantai keras untuk menghempas diri.

Happy Hour

“Last call at the bar!”

Happy Hour is nearing it’s end. Just enough for one last round of merriment to drown the languor away. Any more round called-for before the return of listlessness that stifle dreams. Before reality came crushing back intruding it’s ugly head into fluffy placid fantasies.

The hours ahead seem to be quite bleak. Indifference. Solitary.

“Last call at the bar?”

Things I learned this week

• don’t go to shopping mall on 2nd day Raya and expect like it’s like normal day.

• fantasy & dreams are just that: fantasy & dreams – can go ‘poof’ any moment.

• some things are best kept to oneself. Even to the closest person.

• honest expressive opinion are sometimes misinterpreted. Badly.

• no matter how extraordinary some people may be, they are still ordinary, somehow.

• pessimism is a useful, powerful tool that I’ve forgotten to ‘misuse’.

• ghosts of past lives die hard. it can still haunts us even if we think it was buried deep.

• in three years time (two plus to be exact) the number 40 is going to be a very scary number.


So, in a nutshell I learned this: don’t expect too much of anything in life.

Tamat

Tiada masa untuk ditunggu
Tiada hala untuk dituju
Tiada hiba untuk dirasa
Tiada takhta untuk kita

Tiada daya untuk diseru
Tiada janji untuk ditepati
Tiada tiang untuk disandang
Tiada tongkat sakti untuk kita

Tiada kata untuk bicara
Tiada lagu untuk dinyanyi
Tiada puisi untuk memuji
Tiada apa-apa lagi untuk kita

Sudah merempat tak bertempat
Sudah sempit dan terkepit
Sudah penat berlumba dan berlari
Sudahlah, kita berhenti saja disini.

Tamat.

Si Pengemis Muda

Si Pengemis Muda,
Merayau ke sana-sini. Berkaki ayam melangkah lemah. Pada terang siang dia terus menggeledah. Mencari barang tinggal oleh orang-orang cuai.

Dia mencari hati-hati yang tercicir.

Yang dah retak, terhantuk.
Yang dah berserpih, terkikis.
Yang dah kaku, keras.
Yang dah tak berdegup, tak berlagu.

Si Pengemis Muda,
Seperti malam-malam biasa. Menghibur mimpi, menabur hasrat “Mana lah tahu…dalam banyak hati yang terkutip, mungkin terjumpa semula” dia berhajat.

Dia mencari hati yang pernah dia buang.

Yang ada terpahat nama seorang
Yang mungkin boleh menyala terang
Yang dulunya ada bahang membara
Yang mungkin ada lagi sedikit haba

Si Pengemis Muda,
Seperti semalam, seperti kelmarin, dan seperti hari-hari kusam sebelum ini, dia masih mencari tanpa henti. Walau sudah lelah, dia tak boleh mengalah.

Untuk mencari ganti hatinya sendiri yang sudah mati.


*a tribute to Sheila Majid’s “Pengemis Muda”

Be a Man!

9.00 pm, middle of Ramadhan, somewhere in Kuala Lumpur city centre.

A malay guy with a bottle of beer came wandering around with a bit of a drunkard gait. He has this smug, who-dares-me look on his mixed parental face - a typical KL city boy, well-built with attitude thinking his liberal philosophies are well above the average Joe on the street of Kuala Lumpur.

Smug and challenging. Outspoken and modern. Liberal.

On recognizing a familiar face, he came near my table, resting his hand on the back of the chair opposite me. Languidly he spoken “Hey man, been a long time. Can I share your table mate?” And that smug smile still on his face.

“Sorry, nope.” A bit miffed, I continue reading my book.

“Oh come on! Wait, you don’t want to be associated with a beer-drinking guy in Ramadhan eh?” A bit more of that smugness with a laugh.

Looking up from my book, “Not really, I just don’t like potential drunkards. And please respect others.” looking at the beer bottle and a forced smile to hide my annoyance.

“Oh you’re so righteous aren’t you?” now leaning closer to me, expelling beer-breath onto my face. 

He continued “Look, I’m a man that stand for my rights and only answers to myself because I’m a Free, Liberal man. I don’t restrain myself because some hardcore fundamentalist put down laws. Also I’m not going to let myself be like one of the cows tucked at the nose to follow without questioning, without thinking.” 

A bit more excited on having a chance to deliver his thoughts he continued “Stand for your rights! Be a MAN! Are you content being just a cow?”

I put down the book and look up his stinky face “First of all, I’m not your friend. Secondly, I don’t give a fuck about your liberal P.O.V. And third, I’m capable of standing for my rights, or the rights of people close to me.”

More than a little pissed I continued “Right now I’m defending my rights to be alone and usually I don’t just stand and babble out bad breath. I usually use my fists for defending my rights. Are you up to that?”

The potential punching bag started to open his mouth in retaliation but I don’t give him a chance “You talk big about being liberal and standing for your rights. Can you even defend it if I were to test you with a few punches and kicks?” and pushed my chair a bit out of the table as if ready to get up and prove to him there and then. “It has been a while since I last bash people up” flexing my fists and neck.

Backing a step away, as if being slapped, he was very alert now with a little trembling.

“Yeah, I guess not. Shoo boy, and learn some self-defence first before you go out strutting your Liberal Man attitude and REALLY stand for your rights. You just proved you’re not THAT free.” And I further aggravated him with a mimic of his own words “Be a MAN!! Poser” and laugh it off.

Visibly reddened from my challenge and taunt he stormed off while uttering a loud “Fuck you!”

Yeah sure, go home and cry liberal boy. I had a good laugh by the way.

What’s the difference between… (Malaysian & Indonesian movie)

What’s the differences between Malaysian and Indonesian movie?
1) In Malaysian movie, emotion portrayal are definitely acted on.

2) Malaysian comedy movie requires the actor/actresses to laugh out loud so that viewers know there are jokes involved.

3) In Malaysian movie, “Movie of the year” means it was made this year. That’s it.

4) Indonesian movie have funny names for their characters but quite serious about it. Malaysian movie just have ‘funny’ characters. In a serious movie.

5) Indonesian Romance movie means all the finer points about Love. In Malaysian movie it means Yusof Haslam.


Disclaimer: yet again, loosen up will ya!

What’s the difference between… (Hindi & Tamil movie)

Another 5 points of my views on: Hindi & Tamil movie this time.

What’s the differences between Hindi and Tamil movie?
1) Hindi movie comes with pretty hero & heroine. Tamil movie only delivers pretty heroine. Sometime. Ok ok, once a decade apart.

2) In Hindi movie, LOVE conquers all. In Tamil, BLOODSHED is.

3) The blood is redder in Tamil movie. Yes, serious. And a lot more copious too.

4) In Hindi movie, Michelin Man means a Michelin Man. In Tamil movie, Michelin Man means the hero. Or the heroine too.

5) In Tamil movie, hero expresses anger with a powerful fist. Same with Hindi movie, but prefaced with flowery words or idioms. Eg: “The tears of your mother will stop flowing for I’m here to end your miserable, sinful life, thus relieving your mother of the knowledge of giving birth to such a monster!!” *dushhhhhhhemm*


Disclaimer: Again, this is just satirical, stereotypical P.O.V. If you wanna bash me, write some preface first ok.

What’s the difference between… (Hollywood & Independent movie)

My five points stereotypical take on differences between movie industry.

What’s the differences between Hollywood and Independent movie?
1) In Hollywood movie, the actors/actresses still look good even though they’re about to be devoured by fugly monster.

2) In Hollywood movie, sci-fi, fantasy, thriller, etc can be under one category – Action.

3) Hollywood movie could cost a space-shuttle and still couldn’t flex the brain muscle.

4) Hollywood movie’s ‘based on true event’ are as truthful as my neighbour’s fart – heard it, but no smell involved.

5) Inde movie can be overbearing on showing gratuitous tits (which is fine) BUT general nekidness!? just so to show it’s an Indie movie. WE GET IT! You’re independent, rebellious. OK. We don’t wanna see an old man’s hairy balls. THANK YOU.

*Nekidness = Wicked Nakedness


Well, that was my 5 points about movies. Disclaimer: this is just satirical, stereotypical P.O.V. You can stop your mouth-clinching, stare of death act now.