Half-Gifts

Past few nights I heard a wailing ambulance pass-by. Unexpectedly I felt a twinge of emotion somewhere in my chest. No its not a twinge for myself.

This morning, an old lady in wheelchair was ushered through my gate. An old friend of Mak. She’s so old and frail…obsolete. I felt that twinge again. And pity too. But Mak’s friend mustered little frail energy she has to visit her friend. Probably something worthwhile to do while they’re alive.

Something I’ve taken for granted.

Then came realization of Time. Something that I might lose. No, I WILL lose, someday. This mood suits the song playing right now.

I’m sorry, for all the ignorance this selfish ass caused you.

Song: Half-Gifts – Cocteau Twins

Etoile

So many guiding stars. So many misleading stars.
Some are bright. Some are dim.
Some don’t even know they’re dead yet.
For the light are still on the way to tell the news.

There are lucky stars.There are bad ones too.
Some are named. Some are strangers.
Some are begging to be known and loved.
And some are just plain prick in the night sky.

Once in a while there are wandering stars.
And tonight I grabbed a fallen star.
With bright promises and blazing tail.
And coax it to fly away, a way out of this system.

And named her Etoile.

Goodbye Horses – Q Lazarus

a beautiful symmetry.
a grotesque scenery.
a haunting song.

-------- Q Lazarus --------
a very unknown band.
a very low-key female vocalist.
always misunderstood as a male singer.

-------- Silence of the Lambs scene ---------
underground cellar.
Goodbye Horses playing in background.
a naked man, a serial killer.
dancing, imitating his female self.
put on lipstick and admire self.
"Do you wanna fuck me?"
"I want to fuck me"

Goodbye Horses - Q Lazarus
You told me, I see the rise
But, it always falls
I see them come, I see them go
You say, "All things pass into the night"
And I say, "Oh no sir I must say you're wrong
I must disagree, oh no sir, I must say you're wrong"
Won't you listen to me

You told me, I've seen it all before
I been there, I've seen my hopes and dreams
Lying on the ground

I've seen the sky just begin to fall
And you say, "All things pass into the night"
And I say, "Oh no sir, I must say you're wrong
I must disagree, oh no sir, I must say you're wrong"
Won't you listen to me

Good-bye horses, I'm flying over you
Good-bye horses, I'm flying over you
Good-bye horses, I'm flying over you
Good-bye horses, I'm flying, flying, flying over you

Being a nocturnal creature

As a hardcore Nocturnalist I usually stay awake until what most people consider “start of the day”. Here’s a look into what a nocturnal creature’s ‘day’ is like. The Love & Hate.

The LOVE

• 12am-1am – perfection of balance between the waking & sleeping world
• 2am-3am – the cooling of the Earth.
• 4am – A very Silent, Cool, Peaceful, Blissful time

and then the HATE

• 5am – mosquitos, mostly aedes start to hunt for food and my blood is mosquito-friendly.
• 6am – The sky start to bleed some blue and signalling a rise in activity like…
• 7am – busses, cars, motorbike starts rushing by my house. And I mean RUSHING. Dude, no matter how fast you rush, you’d still be in the jam. Chill please!
• 8am – I know i’m really fucked up if i don’t sleep now.

Temporary Happiness

Ignorant is bliss isn’t it?
Like smoking my fav Red with gory images on it.
Like listening to H.I.M ‘gedik’ness.
Like McDonald’s crappy fastfood.
Like flirting madly with a stranger.

And just like a few minute ago…
Logging in to Maybank2u to pay the 2 months old bills.
Reluctant but slaving myself to the grind of life *sighs*.
Username: taptaptap
Password: taptaptap

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YEAY!!
Temporary Happiness

Unconditional Acceptance

Acceptance. True love. Unconditional friendships.

Do you believe in it?
I, for reason of naivety or otherwise, believe in it’s existence.
I just don’t believe the society we live in today can achieve it easily.

Or geared towards it.

Because the world & society today is full of bullshits and without which they can’t survive. Yes, on BULLSHITS. Just stop for a while and look around in the general social direction:
• Expectation.
• Credibility.
• Popularity.
• Vanity (yes male too!)
• Economics
and the list grows more and more over the time.
Oh I forgot to attach prefix 'HIGH' to each list - HIGH Expectation, etc.

Come on. Think about it. You were born RAW. All of the above are just built-upon layers. Enforced by the society you lived in. By your peers based on perceived ideals and ultimately by the old devil himself: Mr.Capitalism.

Not by your conscious decision ultimately.

So, going back to this blog’s topic - Unconditional  Acceptance - which really means ‘none of above layers required’. Can you accept or like or love someone with just their RAW self? And please try not to kid yourself by answering an optimistic YES before really re-thinking your brain out.

Comforming to Normality

Most people try hard to have that. To feel secured with regular motion of life. To stabilize according to perceived world. I don't blame them but sorry dudes, that is just lame to me. i would rot if I stagnate. And I'm pretty sure thats how they felt once they realise their potbelly became the main sexual jokes among their peers (...or wife).

Sales promoter you’d want to see

In general, you see jeans/shirts/fashion shop hosting salesperson wearing their brand of fashion. A Levi’s salesperson almost ALWAYS wears Levi’s. I wonder, why lingerie or undergarment shop doesn't hosts salesgirls that promote their wares? It is essential marketing is it not? :D

Stupid Cat

Yesterday while readying to go out I heard a mewing kitten non-stop in front of my house. It sounded hungry, lost, and afraid. So I began to search for the location of the poor thing. Nearing it, I saw a small grey kitten bolted out of it’s hiding place. It ran blindly across the road while cars passing by nearly hits it. Without stopping, it then made a u-turn and crossed back to it’s hiding place, missing another car hit. My blood froze! What a stupid, stupid cat! phewww LUCKY cat!

OK this episode made me feel bad of wanting to help the stupid cat. My action could get the cute thing flattened or splattered on the road. Feel like wringing the blasted thing’s neck! OK that won’t help a bit.

Anyway it’s just primal instinct. Can’t blame them little things. In fear or entrapment, the kitten tried it’s best to survive. Which made me realize that human do these things too. Especially those in a misconception of a relationship lol. They lie, cover tracks, made up excuses (some are really stupid excuses). By doing so, they basically betray the relationship without really understanding the outcome of their misguided deeds.

You see, relationship is about RELATING to each other. No big secrets  (little secrets are fine though), no holding back, no lies. And its about SHARING – of your thoughts, fear, hope & dreams, wonders, problems, etc. If you can’t even do that, its high time to take a step back and evaluate where are you standing in the ‘relationship’ picture.

As with the stupid cat, it should trust me better since it was MEWING non-stop, giving out ‘help me’ signals all night long. So please, trust your ‘helper’ better and free yourself. And not be like the cat in the pic lol.