A Saviour

Hi, my name is Fauzi Hamidin and I’m a Saviour.

Before you judge, hear me out. It is not a proud statement or a brag. Quite the opposite actually. A saviour has this strong urge to help people. Most of the time at the expense of themselves. One would sacrifice not only time, but a lot of energy, emotion, and his own Self. Yes, it is a good thing to do you’d say, my dear reader, but being a saviour for too long has it’s toll. And I’m beginning to feel the effect. Losing pieces of myself, bit by bit, throughout all the battles I involved myself in. Psychologically, emotionally, and other worldly matter.

A saviour craves appreciation more than anything. Sincere appreciation. We didn’t do these things for recognition or fame. Just an appreciation. It is somewhat a necessity to supplement our own psychological and emotional lackings. Much like compassion or charity. It feeds our soul. Like a hunger decease. Craving to pull someone out of a deep hole so that we can have a companion in our own hole.

But it has it’s pitfalls too. When at the end of the deed no appreciation given, that would chip a small part of you away. Not that we’d expect a return. But we are only human with emotions. Worse if the person you’re trying to save is the one you love. It gets very personal. And it took a large chunk out of you when appreciation was not felt in return. Worser still when you were betrayed by the same person you’re trying to save.

But you know what, dear reader? Worst of it all, at the end of a breaking, the one you loved and try to save, say “You never saved me…” – that dissolves us from being what we are – a Saviour.

PS: Even with all these, I can’t stop being a Saviour. Like a moth to a candlelight. Bittersweet fate isn’t it?